The last post was very difficult to write. It is just so right now and hard to process but I do know when I pray for peace God will always provide. It’s always hard to go through a loss but at the moment I am not mourning my baby. I do believe I have three angels waiting for me in Heaven; I will see them again.
Weeks ago, before the bad news was confirmed, as I prayed I had promised I would accept God’s plan for my life without complaint. I am mourning the loss of joy, the loss of normal. I have been feeling very sad, which is not a normal emotion for me; I’m usually pretty happy. I don’t think it’s depression but grief. Every day when Killi is away at therapy for the past week, I would nap. Yesterday, I realized this is what was keeping me down. Instead of praying, reading, getting out of the house or doing anything that might help this situation I would try to sleep the feelings away. Clearly this does not work… As I lay in the bed yesterday afternoon just wishing for normal to come back into my life and to feel happy again, I realized I had to take the first step. I read an article which helped me to see that God needs us to help ourselves a little (read the article here if you are interested).