Babies & expectations like oil & water

It’s taken me a while and I am still not very good at it but I try and remove all expectations in my life. It helps with anger, frustration, and really a mix of emotions. Nothing bad can happen and there really is no worry if you don’t have a set expectation on how a situation might turn out or on how a person should act. Don’t get me wrong, basic human courtesy and manners are two things not all cultures understand and that still upsets me because I will always have the expectation that people should be decent but I digress…

There is one thing I have learned in my short amount of time being a parent and that is having expectations on how anything in life with children should go is ridiculous. I expected to be able to breastfeed my son when he was born. I had no clue there was a possibility or really even an option that it would not work out. I am a woman, I had a baby, and boobs should make milk… expectations… I expected all would be right with the world and I would save money! Nope that didn’t work out and what happens when you have expectations? Your hopes and dreams (only for that situation) go down in flames. I then had the expectation I could get pregnant again. I expect that I am young, I have a husband, I don’t do drugs, I am healthy, and why wouldn’t I be able to get pregnant again? Again…. wrong… three times over… well I could get pregnant I guess the expectation was that keeping a baby throughout an entire pregnancy would be the easy part…. Nope. Hopes and dreams dashed upon the rocks. Then BAM! We’re pregnant again. This time, I have removed all expectations on if it would actually come to fruition. Will it work out? Who knows? I didn’t expect anything to go in any particular way and surprisingly there was much less stress and worry (it was still there but less).

I did however have expectations on how I would give birth this go around. I just assumed another natural birth (with the pain meds) would happen. I expected this child and her birth would be similar to that of my sons but apparently not. I didn’t expect for this baby to be breech. I didn’t expect for this baby to only have one umbilical cord artery. I didn’t expect that with an entire pregnancy of normal growth and ultrasound reports to hear today that at 37 weeks she is only 2.6kg. I didn’t expect to have to have a scheduled C-section next week… but it’s all happening. My expectations were not met. Am I upset about the c-section? Not really. My plan ultimately is to have a kid that is alive and well come labor time. Am I worried about the low birth weight? Sure I am but that’s probably normal given the situation with the single umbilical cord artery.

I said I tried to remove expectations from my life and it looks like I haven’t done that great of a job doing so. However, I do expect God to be with me during all of this and I know that to be true.

Friends & family: We ask for your prayers for our daughter, the doctors, our peace of mind and for a speedy recovery.

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