Babies & expectations like oil & water

It’s taken me a while and I am still not very good at it but I try and remove all expectations in my life. It helps with anger, frustration, and really a mix of emotions. Nothing bad can happen and there really is no worry if you don’t have a set expectation on how a situation might turn out or on how a person should act. Don’t get me wrong, basic human courtesy and manners are two things not all cultures understand and that still upsets me because I will always have the expectation that people should be decent but I digress…

There is one thing I have learned in my short amount of time being a parent and that is having expectations on how anything in life with children should go is ridiculous. I expected to be able to breastfeed my son when he was born. I had no clue there was a possibility or really even an option that it would not work out. I am a woman, I had a baby, and boobs should make milk… expectations… I expected all would be right with the world and I would save money! Nope that didn’t work out and what happens when you have expectations? Your hopes and dreams (only for that situation) go down in flames. I then had the expectation I could get pregnant again. I expect that I am young, I have a husband, I don’t do drugs, I am healthy, and why wouldn’t I be able to get pregnant again? Again…. wrong… three times over… well I could get pregnant I guess the expectation was that keeping a baby throughout an entire pregnancy would be the easy part…. Nope. Hopes and dreams dashed upon the rocks. Then BAM! We’re pregnant again. This time, I have removed all expectations on if it would actually come to fruition. Will it work out? Who knows? I didn’t expect anything to go in any particular way and surprisingly there was much less stress and worry (it was still there but less).

I did however have expectations on how I would give birth this go around. I just assumed another natural birth (with the pain meds) would happen. I expected this child and her birth would be similar to that of my sons but apparently not. I didn’t expect for this baby to be breech. I didn’t expect for this baby to only have one umbilical cord artery. I didn’t expect that with an entire pregnancy of normal growth and ultrasound reports to hear today that at 37 weeks she is only 2.6kg. I didn’t expect to have to have a scheduled C-section next week… but it’s all happening. My expectations were not met. Am I upset about the c-section? Not really. My plan ultimately is to have a kid that is alive and well come labor time. Am I worried about the low birth weight? Sure I am but that’s probably normal given the situation with the single umbilical cord artery.

I said I tried to remove expectations from my life and it looks like I haven’t done that great of a job doing so. However, I do expect God to be with me during all of this and I know that to be true.

Friends & family: We ask for your prayers for our daughter, the doctors, our peace of mind and for a speedy recovery.

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18 comments

  1. thinking of you! i have only had a c-section but ultimately they seem about the same to me — it’s painful for a while and you recover. 🙂 no matter how they come out, they still cry at night and keep you awake.

  2. Becky..i had a C sec with my twins and i was up and about in no time. Also my younger twin was only about 2.3kg but he is strong and active and perfect!!! Have faith. Be strong.

  3. Dearest Becky, We can’t feel what you are, as life takes us through many obstacles. Support, love, thoughts and prayers are coming from our house to yours. Your faith will be your guideline and when she is born your fear will subside. You are always on our minds. Lovingly Rose and Dave. .

    • Thanks Rose and Dave! You are so right! As soon as I see her I know everything will be okay. I know now it will work out but it will make me feel better to hold her. Love you both and can’t wait to see you in less than 100 days!

  4. Dear Becky and Chris:
    We are praying that both of you and the baby will be well and all concern and anxiety will become a distant memory. To be a bit prepared for most of the typical situations of life helps us as rational and intelligent beings be able to respond in a wise, prudent, effective, and temperate manner…to not be found flat footed when swift action is needed. Paralyzingly fear or inordinate worry is what we hope to diffuse-to be attentive, but not distraught. It is extrodinarilty tough at times.

    Placing our trust in God, to be docile during his work in our lives to make us holy, is our goal although it takes very strong faith and a close relationship to Him to seldom waiver in this. It is most perfected at the highest levels of spiritual conversion which unfortunately few strive for or are detached enough from all earthly things to obtain. To be docile and accepting is not the same as not being realistic or prepared….to not recieve medical care when pregnant for example saying I won’t think about it until after the baby is born.

    Like St. Francis said we work like it is all up to us and we pray like it is all up to God. We ask God to bless our efforts knowing nothing is possible without God and we are just fragile human beings placing our lives into the hands of someone who loves us, sustains us in every moment of our existence, knowing and loving us more than anyone could ever do. He loves us, knows us, more than we love and know ourselves and is busy sculpting us into a beautiful work of art.

    Today is the Nativity of Mary. Continue to ask her to intercede with her son for the health of your baby and for you. Not speaking from experience, but a number of my friends have had nothing but C-Sections and one friend is about to have her 5th C section at 40….she miscarried too before that baby. I was growing concerned that you were having some difficulty which prompted my email. Sending many prayers for you, the baby, Chris and Killi. Much love and His comforting, sustaining peace, Michelle and Greg

    • Thank you so much Michelle and Greg! Those kind words are uplifting and I know that God has a plan. Probably why I am not to worried… It’s just the waiting part that isn’t so fun but that’s all part of the process I guess 🙂 please keep the prayers coming we need and appreciate them so much! See you soon!

  5. Prayers for all of you! This baby will be perfect regardless of each changing factor. We cannot wait for you to come back to Greenville so we can hold this precious miracle and love on Killi. Know you have tons of prayers coming from the Upstate!

  6. Becky
    you have always been a very strong young lady and I know you will overcome every obstacle put in your way. keep a smile on your face, you will be fine. we are very proud of you and your family. looking forward to your return with great anticipation. be safe and watch out for meteors. we love you and we are praying everyday for you.

  7. You definitely have our prayers. Hoping all will go well for you and for your baby girl. My son-in-law was only 2 lbs. when he was born. Today he is a big, strong, healthy human being. Please keep us informed. God Bless all of you.

  8. Praying for your sweet family! Tucker was born weighing less than 6lbs and he’s perfect! She may just be a small and petite baby. I will be praying for all of you and for peace of mind!!

  9. Sweet Becky, Always liked this……..” The people in one’s life are like the pillars on one’s porch you see life through. And sometimes they hold you up, and sometimes they lean on you, and sometimes it is just enough to know they’re standing by.” We lift you to God in prayer. He knows our hearts desire. And Walter & I are standing by!! All our love, always Walt & Cindy


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