I am understanding more and more that God puts people in our path for a very specific reason and always at the exact moment when we really need them. In many ways, this year has been a rough year for me and my family.
At the beginning of the year, I lost my Grandpa but in the same 24 hours that we lost him, I found out I was pregnant with our second child. I can tell you with certainty that this was not planned but Gods timing was perfect. For a split second, the thought of new life as we lost a member of our family brought hope and eased the blow that literally knocked the wind out of all of us. In dealing with the loss of my grandpa, about a month later, something awful happened. We had friends visiting from out of town and I had started to spot. I kept telling myself “no big deal” because I know in the beginning of the pregnancy that can happen so I wasn’t too worried but deep down I knew something was wrong. Another day went by and I was still spotting but it seemed to be a little worse. I decided to go to the doctor just to make sure nothing was wrong. Chris was at work, Killian was at daycare, and I sat alone in the waiting room hoping for someone to tell me “everything will be fine.” They call me into the ultrasound room, they start to check on the baby, they call for the doctor, I still don’t know what is going on. The doctor, the same who delivered Killian, sat beside me and looked at the monitor. She asked if I was sure on the date that we conceived, I was pretty sure I at least knew around how many weeks had gone by. She looks at me with a sad face and says “I’m sorry but there is no heartbeat.” I literally can’t breathe and my eyes well up with tears to where I can’t even see her face, and in my disbelief I ask “so it’s dead?” I ask her to check again and she confirms that it looks as if the baby just stopped growing. The worst part about all of this is that I am completely and utterly alone. Not many know this story; I am just now able to talk about it without crying. Losing a child is the worst experience I have ever been through in my life. I’ve lost friends, I’ve lost family, but actually losing a child, who as the mother I am supposed to protect and care for was by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through. God knew who and what I needed over the next few days. He sent me the one doctor that I trusted and knew at the practice, the one that brought my Killian into the world, to break the news to me. He sent me a friend that just sat with me for hours in silence after it happened. Another friend brought dinner (food the best copping tool) and was there to listen when I was ready to talk about it. Then my mom and dad came to the rescue when it came time to have surgery because Chris was out of town on business (the worst time for his one business trip a year). God was teaching me that I am to lean on my friends and family during the hard times and this was by far the hardest.
As the year continued, we have had more friends pass away and one in the last couple of weeks who is very dear to my heart have a stroke. I’m not writing this to throw a pity party, far from it, I understand everyone goes through these experiences everyday but it is during these times that we must rely on our friends and family, put away our pride, and allow them to be there for us. The friends and family that help us through these hard times are a gift from God, He knows us better than anyone and he knows exactly who to send our way and when. Through the process of moving to Thailand, I am mix of emotions and God knows this. I am amazed at the graces that God gives me through my friends. When I am having a hard time with the whole process of moving, He sends me the friend to tell me that it will all be all right. When I am excited about this awesome adventure, He sends me the supportive friend that is so excited for us. When I am completely pissed off about everything that is going on with the house and the move, He sends me the friend who tells me to suck it up, “this is life: nothing is ever easy.” I am so blessed to have these wonderful people in my life. You will never know how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate you. I hope that I am able to be as good of a friend to you as you have been for me.
I think this verse sums it up best.
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12