The Twist: The Infertility Story Continues

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You know the part of the story when all of a sudden the writer throws in a curve ball. Just when we have been following along and we think we know exactly what’s coming next there is a sudden twist in the plot that makes you go “yup… Didn’t see that coming…”. That is my favorite part about and good movie; the point where my jaw drops and I am utterly floored at what just happened. Well that happened the other day with my test results at my doctor’s appointment.

I had prepared myself for the worst case scenario, with three miscarriages you can’t help but become skeptical or rather we will call it cautiously optimistic. I mean give me a break after three miscarriages the doctor even says something must not be right and we need to figure out what it is.

Chris and I had gone for blood work a couple of weeks before to check our chromosomes and my antibodies. The doctor invites me into his office and asks where Chris is, which makes me think “o great it must be bad news…” I tell him that he couldn’t get off work but I will relay the information to him. He agrees and starts in on the results.

“Becky your chromosomes are normal- no issues at all. Chris has no issues with his chromosomes either.” A huge smile forms on my face, “that’s great news so that means we are good on that end!?” He agrees and says “let’s continue with the results”.

I think to myself that he is so serious this must be where we have a problem with the antibodies. We go through the many pages and he tells me that I am negative for all possible antibodies. “What? So no problems?” He says “now we will do the ultrasound and see what’s going on.”

Here comes the ultrasound, this is where the problem will be I think to myself. He proceeds with the ultrasound and informs me that I am currently ovulating and everything looks normal. He then checks the lining of my uterus (if there is a problem here the baby can not implant properly causing a miscarriage). He said “see this? You have a very good uterus. No problems here at all.”

I want to talk more but he instructs me to get dressed and we will discuss. I sit back down in his office and I ask him “so there is no medical reason why this is happening?” And he says he is sorry but with all the tests there are no problems. I am totally healthy! He instructs me to come back to him as soon as I have a positive pregnancy test to get a prescription for progesterone.

I thank him and walk out. I walk out with a huge smile on my face! I don’t need a reason as to why it happened. With the tests, I know it wasn’t me or my fault; I am not broken (I am fearfully and wonderfully made!). You have no idea what a relief this for me. I thanked God for my good health and I realize this was all part of his plan. Each miscarriage brought me closer to him and my faith. Each occurrence has completely changed my view on life and “his ultimate plan” for me and my family. I trust him now more than I ever have before. He needs me to be in this state of obedience to guide me to his ultimate purpose for my life.

I trust his plan. I trust one day a baby will come along. I will be content in my current situation and thank him everyday for what he has given me- a beautiful little boy that makes everyday worth living to the fullest.

Your continued prayers and support are appreciated.

Why is change so painful?

Change: To make or become different

Why do you think change is so painful for us? Why do we hold on to the familiar and the comfortable? Do we resist change so that we can live a life of ease? Is it really easier to stay the same or doesn’t that take some work as well?

These are all questions that I would love someone to answer but even if they did I am not sure I or anyone else would listen and make the change needed. We could have someone talk to us until they’re blue in the face but in all reality, nothing they say or do will change the current trajectory we are on.  We have to want the change for ourselves. If there is no value for us, why change?

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Mercy Center: There & Back Again

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ 41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ 44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ 45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

Matthew 25:40-45

Today is the day, I am finally on my way to the Mercy Center, and to be honest I am very nervous.  As I sit here in the taxi that is taking me through the many back roads of Bangkok, through the slums that I really don’t think any American ghetto could even come close to an equivalent, I am amazed at what I am seeing to where I almost can’t process it.  The butterflies in my stomach are starting to make me a little nauseous and I know that it’s just the fear of the unknown.  We are making our way through the slums; I am worried that I am not going to be strong enough to do the job that is being set before me.  I am scared that what I will see here, the poverty, the loneliness, the huge chasm that is my reality from the reality of these homeless children I am about to meet is going to be too much mentally that I won’t be able to handle it.  While I consider what my next four years will be like volunteering the doubt is starting to creep into my mind.  There is a good chance that I won’t be able to handle this emotionally, mentally, and I’m sure sometimes spiritually but I do know one thing and that is that I am doing none of this alone.  This is part of the plan, the plan that God has so graciously included me in and I alone can’t do this but I can do all things though Christ.  Philippians 4:13

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