After five weeks of therapy my son has completely mellowed out. Before he had the attention span of a gnat, flitting around from place to place. We couldn’t keep him engaged on anything. He would run around like a mad man doing laps in the therapy room and spend about a minute with each toy.

I noticed this week that he seemed much more calm and was spending more time with the different toys and I asked our doc if this is a result of what we have been doing and he said “most definitely!” Since Killi’s preference has moved from being object oriented to more social/people oriented, he has found that there is no need for him to run around and act like a fool. He now sees that he can slow down, check out what others are doing and still get the same excitement and joy that he would have had before. It’s amazing to see the difference. My son wants to show me the different toy he is playing with and will look to me to see if I think it is as fun as he thinks it is.

The calm (well as calm as a toddler can be) behavior has been a much needed change of pace in our household. (I figure I will be totally honest with this story so that if you are reading this you can know you aren’t alone.) I had hit another breaking point as the mom and as the only one that Killi needs all of the time. With the previous opposition to other people I was the only one my son would interact with in that no one could help me with him. Not that they didn’t offer but he would not allow it if I was within reach. Keep in mind this is a more extreme form of clingy toddler even recognized by our doctor so being the only person that could touch my child, I never had a moment to breathe without him crying for me.

The progress with going away from objects and more towards people has given me the much needed break that I was secretly longing for. Although my longing for just a moment of peace is overshadowed by my overwhelming guilt. You know the guilt only a mom can impose upon herself, the thought of “how can I want to be away from him when he needs me to get him through therapy and help him to progress!?”

I expressed my concern to our doctor and told him that I am totally burnt out and how I don’t know how to shake this overwhelmed just want to run and hide feeling. Killi’s doc gave me a prescription (and no it was no Xanax) one that allows me some guilt free “me time.” Once he explained how I need to take care of myself and how getting burnt out on all of this therapy, all day everyday will ultimately hurt our efforts. So with Killi enjoying therapy and not freaking out if I am not with him I can now take some much needed time to myself to decompress. Even if it is just a few hours to write, work, volunteer, get a massage it will be the little bit of time I need to mentally regroup and not lose myself in this entire process and in my new life in Bangkok. Killi’s doc has a very scientific medical term for this and it is known as SWS, Sukhumvit Wife Syndrome. This is (for some of us) when the wives that have moved here to follow their husbands, stop their careers, moved way from everything and everyone that they know and love and are now the stay at home mom/wife and it is basically a shock to our system! In my case, I concur 100%!

My son has mellowed, I now have permission to mellow, my household is more mellow and I now feel as if I can breathe.

Until next week…