I had no idea that hiring a nanny/maid would end up being like a soap opera (my moms favorite: As The World Turns or is it Young & The Restless) that I get to tune into daily. I just figured it would make my life easier and it does in a lot of ways but I also wasn’t aware of the baggage that comes with it.
I guess when you think about it, you are bringing a total stranger into your life and they have issues. These issues are normal people issues but I just figure like any other job, you leave your crap at the door and do your job without affecting the rest of the environment. This does not seem to be the case with domestic help.
I have a nanny that at first was a ray of sunshine and made our lives happy. Then slowly the happy facade transformed into one of sadness and anger. Pai’s previous job had her raise their child and with the family leaving her heart broke. I can’t imagine how my life would be if someone took away my child that I had raised. I totally understand that can be hard. She has a lot of bad days, full of sadness and crying. I am understanding and will send her home early when she can’t seem to keep it together. Probably due to this depression, she is sick all of the time and late almost every day. Her previous employer told me she was never sick and was always to work on time. I think my being understanding and nice has made for a bad situation. Now when she is “sick” she is asking to go home early and I think I am being taken advantage of. I have a perpetual rain cloud walking around my house, some days she is ok and semi human but most of the time she has a “bad”day and at times it feels like I have a teenager storming around the house mad but I have no idea what is causing it.
Last week, I finally couldn’t take anymore and ask if she is okay and if it is the job. I try and find out if she wants to work here anymore. She says yes and no. Well that isn’t going to work for me. She says the job is great and no problems so I ask what is it and she finally reveals that she is scared about us leaving in 4 years. That is a long way away but she is sad about it already. I try and help her to see that she doesn’t need to worry about that now and to just be present in the moment. I explain that we need someone happy here in our house because it affects me and Killian and if she can’t do that that she can leave. She says “so I can go home early?” I say “no I mean go find another job.” She is constantly saying “when I quit job” and I ask her to just make up her mind either way so I can move forward with finding a helper and so my son doesn’t get attached to someone that will leave. She apologizes for having a bad day and says she wants to stay.
The rest of the week she is in an awful mood. Clearly what I said to her about being happy did not sink in. I have given this situation the benefit of the doubt and I literally can’t take anymore. Last night she calls and I missed it. I go to call her back and her phone doesn’t work. Today she calls after she is supposed to be at work and I miss it, I call back and it doesn’t work again. She finally gets through to me and says she is at the doctor and it’s her tummy. I ask what’s going on and if she will be here tomorrow and she hangs up the phone. The entire day goes by and we haven’t heard from her. We have tried to call to see if she is okay and her phone will not work. Chris reminds me as the employer it isn’t our job to chase our employee, she should be calling us. I guess he is right…
I am torn. I want this to work out because Killian is used to having her around. She was great in the beginning but now it’s a disaster. I feel like I am just sitting here waiting for her to say she quits. I have no idea from day to day if she will come in. As I write this I think why is this even a question? Who puts up with this? I guess I do, someone with a bleeding heart.
Here’s the other side to this coin. Every domestic helper is going to have their issues. Some nannies/maids steal your cash when you aren’t looking, some beat your child and you have to find out about it from a neighbor who sees it happen, others just don’t listen to your requests and then some just have bad attitudes. Do I put up with the bad attitude since I know she doesn’t steal or beat my child? I am starting to think I would be better off with no helper…
At this moment I wish I was back in Greenville, dropping my son at a daycare that I know is a
loving safe environment and I could just be the working mom and wife…
i say fire her and hire a new one, but get references and call them. this time stay detached as an employer and dont ask how they are doing every day. you dont want to know. when your new one shows up for work, lay down the rules and explain what you dont want to see. all you want is dependability. if you miss work and are not admitted to the hospital, you are fired. then explain salary and perks. dont be afraid to go thru a few nannies to find a good one. just dont forget to check at least 3 references on each one.
Ummmmm I would say get a new helper. You have to be able to have someone who helps you out even if it is occasionally. Her depression may make her do something dangerous to your child so I say to say goodbye. Just my opinion.
Pray about it and He will give you the answers.